In 12 Step recovery, we state that 'sobriety includes a progressive victory over lust.' Since beginning my journey of recovery some 14 months ago, I have had 4 occasions already where this very principle has been discussed, and even debated. The debate stems from those who feel too much emphasis is placed on one's 'calendar sobriety'. This means that when someone enters into 12 Step for recovery, they set a sobriety date. For instance, February 15. This remains that person's calendar date for sobriety, unless they 'slip' and 'act out', meaning, engaging in their addictive behavior.
I have read articles from those who pioneered the 12 Step movement beginning with Alcoholics Anonymous. There are discussions of how one is already 'slipping' or 'acting out' before taking the first drink. This points to the reality that they have engaged in their ritual of bad thinking and bad behavior, which leads to getting drunk. The decision was made prior to picking up the bottle. I can clearly see how this would work for those struggling with addiction to lust as well. Emotions creep up, overwhelm, you need an outlet, so just a little time surfing the web for pornography won't hurt. Then you 'slip', you 'act out', and you must reset your calendar date for sobriety, now February 16. This happens, it is reality. However, the good news of 12 Step fellowship is there is NO JUDGEMENT. You simply admit your faults to God and to your fellows. I had a few months of sobriety, meaning no 'acting out' when I first encountered an article that addressed 'acting in'. I am grateful for the article and the discussion that ensued, because I was finding physical sobriety to be pretty easy. I felt I had it! Now, I have to understand 'acting in'? Here is the real challenge. I had given up my old habits and ways. The computer was gone, no pornography. No smart phone, no pornography. I had entered into group therapy, individual therapy, 12 Step, increased my prayers and meditations, avoided triggers, but 'acting in'? I mean am I really supposed to stop desiring the physical connection in my mind and heart as well? Of course! Acting in will eventually lead to acting out. A new enemy to battle! This makes sense in light of the teachings of Jesus Christ. Let us look at two biblical teachings, one dealing with the individual and the other with congregation. In the 15th Chapter of Matthew's Gospel, Jesus teaches about inner purity. The debate occurs between Jesus and the 'keepers of the Law'. The Pharisees were experts at the outward appearance of holiness. They were great at avoiding 'acting out'. This was the outward display of their holiness, however, Jesus sees into the heart. He quotes Isaiah; “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” (Matthew 15:8, NLT). Again, great at not 'acting out' but given to 'acting in'. Jesus continues, now addressing the crowd, “It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you, you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.” (Matthew 15:11, NLT). We can debate about whether or not pornography, alcohol, drugs, etc., are sinful in of themselves, but the true fight is what we do with those chemicals and behaviors. The bottle of vodka on the counter is there, but if not picked up and never drank, it has not power. Sure, temptation and desire exist, but if the bottle stays sealed, victory. If the computer is used only for the right reasons, never used for porn, victory! If you see an attractive male or female and you don't recall them later in your mind to 'act out', again, victory! If the substance or thoughts do not enter into the body, then the sinful acts will not leave the body for they do not exist. We become clean outwardly and inwardly. The story of Jesus clearing the Temple shows us the collective need for the community of believers to be inwardly cleansed as well. The Temple in all of its glory and splendor, outwardly magnificent, had inwardly become corrupt. Jesus, in a moment of righteous anger, turns over the tables of corruption to show the people that the Temple must not only look holy but must be holy. We are reminded by St. Paul; “Don't you realized that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?” (1 Corinthians 6:19). Interesting that Paul is discussing sexual immorality in the prior passages! So we are called to work on outward and inward recovery and renewal. There is a challenge for the one who struggles with lust though. That is where this debate stems from in the fellowship. As I stated, I was a few months into recovery, and successfully avoiding 'acting out'. However, my mind was still given over to lust. I was becoming like a Pharisee. Great at outward appearance but wrought with sinful desires inwardly. I am grateful for the debate and the introduction to this new enemy of 'acting in'. I realized there was a much deeper experience to recovery that I needed to embrace in my life. Not only did I have to continue to walk away from 'acting out' (no more computer use for the wrong reasons, no more sex with self for a little release) but I had to have my thoughts and feelings transformed as well. Here is a little advice to those of you who may be struggling; YOU CANNOT DO IT ON YOUR OWN. Step 2 states “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”. The only way I could work at the inward transformation was to allow God to do it for me. More surrender (daily, several times), more prayer, most study of the Scriptures, more meetings, more 'bouncing the eyes' more abstaining from glancing looks, more prayers for those whom I gazed upon. More, more, more of God working in me. It is the only way, and it is why 12 Step recovery works so well, because of God's strength. So, here is the point of this reflection. Do I, a man in recovery, reset my calendar date for sobriety to coincide with my victory over 'acting in' as opposed to 'acting out' only? Have we really only achieved victory over lust when the inside and outside are cleansed? There is no clear answer, sorry to disappoint. If I may suggest a few ideas though if you find yourself inwardly debating this idea. For me personally, this wake up call to 'acting in' helped me to dive deeper into recovery, and as I said, I am grateful. However, at no point have I felt that resetting my calendar date is necessary. Why? Well, because I have accepted that fact that not only am I an addict, but I will die an addict. I will carry this burden with me for the rest of my earthly life, only achieving full victory when I breathe my last and die in the Grace of Jesus Christ. I also know that the inward struggle is more powerful than 'acting out'. I still struggle with thoughts and feelings associated with lust, but victory over lust would be much more difficult if I was to still struggle greatly with 'acting out'. Kicking the outward habits helped me to work on the inward habits, again, a battle that will wage for as long as I breathe. For others, the inward struggle needs to be eliminated as well. Let us liken this debate to sin. One of the problems that has come about in the Church, especially American Evangelicalism, is the idea of instant conversion. You go to a church for worship, the pastor makes an altar call, you proceed forward and give your life to Jesus. BOOM! In an instant, your life is changed. For some, this is the reality. Let me share that I have made such calls myself as a preacher and pastor and there is nothing wrong with this approach. What happens though to some, is the feel the need to outwardly appear holy, and for many the Church fails to help them transform their hearts and minds so they match inwardly. This is the failing of instant conversion. Conversion into the faith given to us by God in Christ and through the Holy Spirit is a process. Let us use our 12 Step lingo, we are entering into a progressive relationship with God. The moment of conversion is near and dear to our hearts. We can look back and say; “February 16th is when I gave myself to God.” Is that it though? No, you will continue to sin. So do you change the date of your moment of conversion? I know this principle is not the same as a calendar date for sobriety, but there are similarities. When a Christian sins, they repent. When an addict slips, they bring it into the light. For those of us in 12 Step, we reset our sobriety date, but we don't act like the journey never began. It is progressive! Faith and sobriety walk hand in hand in this sense, both being a progressive journey and victory. Ah, but I just criticized the instant conversion model of faith! Again, there is no clear answer. Just like faith, each of us has a unique path, marked by a unique relationship with God, self and others. If you feel in your heart that your sobriety date needs to be associated with 'acting in', God bless you! If you feel in your heart that your sobriety date only needs to be associated with 'acting out', God bless you! The important thing for all of us on the path of recovery is not to be discouraged. I often wonder how Jesus felt as he spent his time walking and talking with the 12 Apostles. Men from various paths of life, different personalities, experiences, etc. These were the men that made us Jesus' most intimate circle of friends, his 'fellows'. Yet, they were so slow at getting Jesus' point! Christ was always patient, even in the midst of complete failure and denial by Peter and the others. It took surrendering to the power of the Holy Spirit to have their insides transformed, so that their inward desires matched their outward appearances. But, they still remained sinners, until their last breath. My only caution in this debate would be for those new to the program of recovery. We all begin with the 'acting out'. No more porn, masturbation, etc. It is where we need to start, kick the outward habits. Then we go to work inwardly, with God as our strength. If we focus too much on sobriety dates and 'acting in', this could be a real blow to those who are in the process of progressive victory over lust, who are winning the war against their outward habits. Let us be clear though, no matter where you may fall on this debate, progressive victory over lust must include inward transformation. I just don't think the date is important. It is also quite possible that we become too 'self righteous' in our pursuit for inward purity, and thus we are constantly resetting our sobriety dates in regards to 'acting in' and no one will maintain any sense of long term sobriety. In the end, we will be a bunch of miserable monks beating ourselves. As time passes, I am able to combat the thoughts and desires. Not only can I avoid 'acting out' but I find more and more daily victories when it comes to 'acting in'. For me, this is a progressive victory over lust, fought with the Grace of God in my heart and mind. At the end of the day, it does not matter if you have 24 years, 24 days or 24 hours of sobriety. What matters is that you are doing all you can with the help of God to stay sober for today. May God bless you, and me, in our progressive victory over lust, inward and outward.
1 Comment
John
2/17/2017 03:38:41 pm
Hi. I have been in recovery for a few years. I am really enjoying your blog posts. How far do you travel to talk with churches? Thanks!
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AuthorsAdam Egan, Founder of David's Post Ministry Archives
January 2020
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