Recently while watching a TV program, I saw a commercial, and I cannot recall what the promotion was for, but the question was asked; “what are the hardest words to say as a human being?” A few answers were proposed; “I was wrong”, “I am sorry”, “I love you” and a few others. Perhaps that has been your experience in life so far. For me however, there are harder words to utter. The words that took me almost my whole life to be able to say out loud, the words that struck me with fear, paralyzing fear at that, words that are rooted in the utmost humility; “God, help me, for I cannot do this anymore.”
These words are a cry for help, and for me personally, these words showed me that I cannot, but God can if I only were to seek him out. There is a certain irony for me personally in these words. Being a lifelong Christian, not always the most engaged and faithful, but a believer nevertheless, I am not sure if I ever truly thought I would have to cry out loud to God in desperation. I somehow believed that I had life figured out and God was along for the journey that I had so successfully plotted out before me. Psalm 34 echoes my own desperation: “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” “This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.” Psalm 34, 4&6 NIV While the fears in my life were many, it was the knowledge that I had lost control of my own life, and the mirage that I was ever actually in control at all. Left to my own devices and desires, I had lost the most important thing in life, and that was the truth that God is to be in control. With all the earthly blessings that God had gifted me in life, I replaced God with myself. It was my ego and pride that led to me to believe I had set forth the course, I had made all the effort, checked all the boxes, etc. Where I found myself in the journey was in the pit of hell, suffering and silenced by my own sin. You might think upon reading verse 6 of Psalm 34 that it applies to the ‘poor’ as being those without a means to provide earthly goods. On the surface that is one way to look at the meaning, of course those who are materially poor are challenged to figure out a way to provide for themselves and others. However, a deeper look into the passage shows, as Jesus would often teach on, that ‘poor’ applies to the spirit of man. In his commentary on Psalm 34, St. Augustine writes; “As poor cry thou, and the Lord hears. And how shall I cry as poor? By not, if you have anything, presuming therefrom upon your own strength: by understanding that you are needy; by understanding that so long are you poor, as you have not Him who makes you rich.” As one who had everything I though I needed in life to be happy and successful, I was poor in the true spirit and rich in my own, I had forgotten to cry out to God and allowed the ‘god of lust’ to seduce me beyond any possible point of return. It was the realization that trusting in my own power, my own knowledge, I was poor, helpless, hopeless, that I cried out to God; “I cannot do this anymore” and being at that moment, finally, poor in spirit, the Lord heard me and saved me out of all my troubles. I would love to say that the moment I finally cried out led to a smooth path forward, but it did not. Suffering came and still comes because of my sin. The true gift though lies in the reality that every day I am weak, powerless, and God is strong. God overcomes my being poor and provides me with the wealth I need to overcome fear each day. I have sought out the Lord and he has delivered me from my fears. Casting aside ego and pride, becoming completely dependent on God, being poor in spirit, broken, has led me to see who God really is, the Great Provider and Comforter. Not every day is an easy walk, there are always challenges, amends to be made, more defects of character discovered, I am a daily work in progress. It is comforting to know though that I do not need to be in control, actually, I cannot be in control. My own willpower will lead to failing and falling. God is the one he can do what I cannot do. If you find yourself struggling, seeking to be in control, worshipping false idols, whatever they may be, muster up the courage to humble yourself. Fall before the throne of God and cry out in your poverty; “God, I cannot do this anymore!” And God in his strength and Spiritual wealth will guide you down the road of peace. Seek the Lord and he will answer you. Be well my fellows.
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"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. “ - Luke 16:13
Let's be honest, lust is our God. For any addict, the addiction, whether a chemical or a behavior replaces God. So for the man or woman who struggles with lust, it is the seeking of the flesh, the pleasure which becomes that thing for which they strive. Jesus warns us about this. Yes, Jesus was specifically speaking of money in this instance, however, we all know where lust ranks in our lives. God is Light. God has created us in His image so that we might live and live abundantly. Our addiction however, hidden in the deep and dark recesses of our minds pulls us away from the goodness of God's intentions for us. Lust takes us from light to dark. Because of lust, you cannot love God. Ask yourself this question; how much effort goes into your relationship with God? Compare that with how much effort you put into keeping your lust addiction hidden, in the dark, from God, from your loved ones, from yourself? Thankfully, we in recovery have recognized the spiritual nature of addiction to lust. It is not merely a physical thing. We spiritually turn our lives back to God, back to the light. We walk away from the altar of sexual desire and the flesh and fall before the altar of God. God is the one who will help us overcome the darkness and step into the light, may you find God now. Father, shed you light into my darkness that I may know and love you fully. Amen. In the spring, a the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem. 2 Samuel 11:1
We are all familiar with the phrase, “wrong place at the wrong time”. Often we use this phrase to describe how someone fell into a negative situation. Often we use this to describe a person who may not be a 'bad person' but made a bad decision based on their location, who they were with, the time this situation occurred, etc. Is the reading from 2 Samuel, regarding David and the beginning of his slide into sin just a case of 'wrong place at the wrong time'? Of all the passages in Scripture that could be used to help someone begin to 'trudge the road of happy destiny', I would have never expected this passage to be the one God gave to me. It seems too insignificant. At my rock bottom moment I was begging God for some hope and inspiration. My mind went through ever verse of the Bible that I had memorized. The Gospel of John, Romans, 1 Corinthians, but nothing. I was alone, afraid and angry, and the story of King David was all that kept coming back to me at that moment. Several days would pass, and I finally picked up my Bible and began to read the story of David. Having been a pastor, I was obviously familiar with the story, but I pressed on and as I was reading I began to journal. “If David had just led his army to victory instead of staying home, then perhaps this whole issue of sin and the relationship with Bathsheba could have been avoided. Stupid decision David.” That is what I wrote in my journal. Little did I know that this is the exact same situation that I and many have found themselves in. The wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong mindset, the wrong priorities. “Where am I? Where should I be?” These two questions are the heart of David's Post Ministry, and the questions that have helped me to find hope in the midst of pain, joy in the midst of sorrow, and strength in the midst of weakness. These two questions keep me sober. Whether or not you are an addict, if lust is your drug, perhaps you can benefit from asking yourself those two questions. Where am I? Where should I be? Orient your life towards God, find yourself in the right place all of the time. God help me to be in the right place, the place where you have called me, with the people you have gifted to me in my life, that my decisions may be holy and pleasing to You. Amen. As we rejoice in the power of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ during this Eastertide, I have been praying and thinking about what resurrection life means in the world of sexual addiction, or really, any addiction. I was struck by the story of the women and Apostles arriving at the tomb of Jesus on that first Easter Sunday. We all know the story, it is the central moment of the Christian faith and of the history of all the world. What got me though this year was the fact that they had to go to the tomb in the first place. Why didn't Jesus just appear in His resurrected glory where they were? The answer is one we all need to hear, and one that we all need to face as we battle each and every day against the power that addiction has over our lives.
First, let us talk about addiction. Addiction, whether sex, money, alcohol, food, etc., has become our 'god'. For those of us who struggle, we know the struggle is real and that it leads us to places we don't want to go. We sacrifice so much to feed our addict as we are pulled away from healthy relationships with God, the self and others, as we are pulled from the light into death and darkness. I am convinced that sex addiction is one of Satan's greatest tools in deceiving God's men today. Isolated, fearful, hurt, angry, depressed, confused, it is like our addiction has led us to the Cross on Calvary. Hanging in death, we are faced with two choices: continue down the path we really don't want to go down or call the darkness into the light, wake up, rise up, and in the hope and power of God in Christ move forward into a new way of life, which is the life we really want to live. That is what happened that first Easter Sunday morning. Taking a quick glimpse at the four Gospel accounts of the Resurrection we see the following: Matthew: On Easter Sunday, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to 'look at the tomb'. We are told that the great earthquake occurs, an angel appears and speaks to the women at the tomb. “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified....come see the place where he lay.” (Matthew 28) Mark: Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Salome are taking spices to anoint the dead body of Jesus. They are on the way to the tomb contemplating how they will remove the rock that covers the entrance, then they look to see the rock has already been rolled away. Then they entered the tomb and saw a young man (again, an angel). “Don't be alarmed” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. (Mark 16) Luke: Again, we are told the women are taking spices to the tomb. They find the stone rolled away and they enter the tomb, but do not find the body of Jesus. We are told two men in gleaming clothes appear. “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen!” (Luke 24) John: Mary Magdalene wen to the tomb and saw the stone had been moved from the entrance to the tomb. This time, we are told that after Mary shares the news that Peter and the 'other disciple' (John) run to the tomb. John makes it to the tomb first and looks in, then Peter runs straight into the tomb. “He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus' head.” Then we are told the other disciple went into the tomb as well. What we see here is that all four Gospel accounts tell us that it was the women who first discovered the empty tomb. John further tells us that the two disciples enter the tomb as well. The Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark and Luke) share the details of the angels. However, in all four, they either look into or walk into the tomb.....but there is no Jesus. They struggle to understand what exactly this means, for they have not yet grasped the power and joy of the Resurrected Jesus Christ. That comes later with Jesus' actual appearances. But why the tomb to begin with? Again, why not just the Resurrected Lord meeting them in the upper room, or on the beach? Because they have to face their fears, they have to enter into the darkness of death to understand the light. This is where resurrection and recovery meet! Tombs, no matter how simple or ornate, not matter how old or new, all have one thing in common. They contain the reality of death. Lifeless bodies dwell in the cold darkness of the tomb. Jesus tomb was no different in that sense. When the time came though, that changed. The tomb of Jesus was overcome, exploding with light and life as the Father raised the Son as the moment when all things changed. The women and the apostles are not expecting any change. They approach the tomb in sadness and fear. They approach the tomb expecting to find the dead body of Jesus of Nazareth. When we are faced with the reality of our addiction, we must approach the tomb of death. Addiction is death. Yes, we may not die due to the effects of addiction, but it is killing our spirit, and in most cases it will kill the mind and body. Addiction is our tomb! Perhaps you have hit 'rock bottom' (that phrase has a whole new meaning in my life) or you have been 'found out'? What has your addiction cost you? Family, friends, jobs, money, self-confidence? You have had enough, I have had enough. So we must face the fear of addiction, we must enter into the death and darkness of the tomb. We must fight our addiction face to face with Jesus as our power and resurrection as our hope. “Do not be afraid!” Easy to say! Facing our darkness is scary. It means we have to 'come clean' and admit our faults to God, our self and others. For anyone who has done so, you know the power and freedom that comes from that process. So the message remains; “do not be afraid” to enter into the death. Once inside the cold darkness of the tomb, once we come clean, the light shines in. As we look around the tomb, we realize that this death no longer has to have power over us....so we are then faced with another choice. Do we stay (wondering and waiting) or do we 'go' sharing the light and hope with others? If we look to the Gospel accounts again, we see another common theme, the reaction. Matthew tells us that upon experiencing the death of the tomb, and realizing something had changed in the world the women hurried away, 'afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples.” Mark writes; “Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb.” Luke tells us that the angels reminded the women that Jesus foretold of His Resurrection and they remembered his words. They then told all the things they had experienced to the eleven disciples. Lastly, John writes that the disciples went back to where they were staying and then Mary Magdalene looks into the tomb, then experiences first hand the risen Lord. Recovery is a reaction to death. Like faith, we are called to 'go forth' and carry the message of recovery and the acts of love to others. The women and the disciples reacted, they did not stay in the tomb of death and darkness. Sure, they may have not instantly understood everything, but they knew remaining in the tomb was not an option. I can imagine how there is comfort in staying in the tomb. We face our fears, we face death, yet there is a comfort in remaining. Faith and recovery call for more. Once we know something has changed, once we realize there is path out of addiction, we must then take it. It takes faith in God, and hope in a new way of life to walk out of the tomb. Like the women that Easter morning, we do so in fear and joy! Fear, because we don't know what life will be like without our drug/behavior, joy because we know there is light in the darkness. I can recall times where I still found comfort in my addiction, even though I hated it. I did not like the dark death of the tomb, but it was all I knew. Then, as I began to work the 12 Steps, increased my life in prayer and Scripture study, participated in the fellowship, came clean, I noticed more and more of the light shining in on me. I was able to step all the way out of the tomb, fearful yes, but also full of joy. Like our faith, and like that of the disciples, there is still the danger of wanting to go back into the safety and familiarity of the tomb. From time to time, we might find ourselves looking 'back into the tomb', but we know the answer is not there. Why look for life in the home of death? Why go back to the death of addiction when we know the life of recovery? Remember, you need to react. Easter points to the way of new life in the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. When we come to faith, we are still sinners. Yet, we know when we fall we don't have to return to certain death. We humbly confess our sins to God and are forgiven, free to continue in joy. When we start recovery and live into sobriety, we may slip, we remain powerless, but not hopeless. Give yourself to the light of recovery and life, give yourself to the Resurrected Christ. Face the fear of death and addiction, let in the light, don' be afraid and go forth in joy! In 12 Step recovery, we state that 'sobriety includes a progressive victory over lust.' Since beginning my journey of recovery some 14 months ago, I have had 4 occasions already where this very principle has been discussed, and even debated. The debate stems from those who feel too much emphasis is placed on one's 'calendar sobriety'. This means that when someone enters into 12 Step for recovery, they set a sobriety date. For instance, February 15. This remains that person's calendar date for sobriety, unless they 'slip' and 'act out', meaning, engaging in their addictive behavior.
I have read articles from those who pioneered the 12 Step movement beginning with Alcoholics Anonymous. There are discussions of how one is already 'slipping' or 'acting out' before taking the first drink. This points to the reality that they have engaged in their ritual of bad thinking and bad behavior, which leads to getting drunk. The decision was made prior to picking up the bottle. I can clearly see how this would work for those struggling with addiction to lust as well. Emotions creep up, overwhelm, you need an outlet, so just a little time surfing the web for pornography won't hurt. Then you 'slip', you 'act out', and you must reset your calendar date for sobriety, now February 16. This happens, it is reality. However, the good news of 12 Step fellowship is there is NO JUDGEMENT. You simply admit your faults to God and to your fellows. I had a few months of sobriety, meaning no 'acting out' when I first encountered an article that addressed 'acting in'. I am grateful for the article and the discussion that ensued, because I was finding physical sobriety to be pretty easy. I felt I had it! Now, I have to understand 'acting in'? Here is the real challenge. I had given up my old habits and ways. The computer was gone, no pornography. No smart phone, no pornography. I had entered into group therapy, individual therapy, 12 Step, increased my prayers and meditations, avoided triggers, but 'acting in'? I mean am I really supposed to stop desiring the physical connection in my mind and heart as well? Of course! Acting in will eventually lead to acting out. A new enemy to battle! This makes sense in light of the teachings of Jesus Christ. Let us look at two biblical teachings, one dealing with the individual and the other with congregation. In the 15th Chapter of Matthew's Gospel, Jesus teaches about inner purity. The debate occurs between Jesus and the 'keepers of the Law'. The Pharisees were experts at the outward appearance of holiness. They were great at avoiding 'acting out'. This was the outward display of their holiness, however, Jesus sees into the heart. He quotes Isaiah; “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” (Matthew 15:8, NLT). Again, great at not 'acting out' but given to 'acting in'. Jesus continues, now addressing the crowd, “It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you, you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.” (Matthew 15:11, NLT). We can debate about whether or not pornography, alcohol, drugs, etc., are sinful in of themselves, but the true fight is what we do with those chemicals and behaviors. The bottle of vodka on the counter is there, but if not picked up and never drank, it has not power. Sure, temptation and desire exist, but if the bottle stays sealed, victory. If the computer is used only for the right reasons, never used for porn, victory! If you see an attractive male or female and you don't recall them later in your mind to 'act out', again, victory! If the substance or thoughts do not enter into the body, then the sinful acts will not leave the body for they do not exist. We become clean outwardly and inwardly. The story of Jesus clearing the Temple shows us the collective need for the community of believers to be inwardly cleansed as well. The Temple in all of its glory and splendor, outwardly magnificent, had inwardly become corrupt. Jesus, in a moment of righteous anger, turns over the tables of corruption to show the people that the Temple must not only look holy but must be holy. We are reminded by St. Paul; “Don't you realized that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?” (1 Corinthians 6:19). Interesting that Paul is discussing sexual immorality in the prior passages! So we are called to work on outward and inward recovery and renewal. There is a challenge for the one who struggles with lust though. That is where this debate stems from in the fellowship. As I stated, I was a few months into recovery, and successfully avoiding 'acting out'. However, my mind was still given over to lust. I was becoming like a Pharisee. Great at outward appearance but wrought with sinful desires inwardly. I am grateful for the debate and the introduction to this new enemy of 'acting in'. I realized there was a much deeper experience to recovery that I needed to embrace in my life. Not only did I have to continue to walk away from 'acting out' (no more computer use for the wrong reasons, no more sex with self for a little release) but I had to have my thoughts and feelings transformed as well. Here is a little advice to those of you who may be struggling; YOU CANNOT DO IT ON YOUR OWN. Step 2 states “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”. The only way I could work at the inward transformation was to allow God to do it for me. More surrender (daily, several times), more prayer, most study of the Scriptures, more meetings, more 'bouncing the eyes' more abstaining from glancing looks, more prayers for those whom I gazed upon. More, more, more of God working in me. It is the only way, and it is why 12 Step recovery works so well, because of God's strength. So, here is the point of this reflection. Do I, a man in recovery, reset my calendar date for sobriety to coincide with my victory over 'acting in' as opposed to 'acting out' only? Have we really only achieved victory over lust when the inside and outside are cleansed? There is no clear answer, sorry to disappoint. If I may suggest a few ideas though if you find yourself inwardly debating this idea. For me personally, this wake up call to 'acting in' helped me to dive deeper into recovery, and as I said, I am grateful. However, at no point have I felt that resetting my calendar date is necessary. Why? Well, because I have accepted that fact that not only am I an addict, but I will die an addict. I will carry this burden with me for the rest of my earthly life, only achieving full victory when I breathe my last and die in the Grace of Jesus Christ. I also know that the inward struggle is more powerful than 'acting out'. I still struggle with thoughts and feelings associated with lust, but victory over lust would be much more difficult if I was to still struggle greatly with 'acting out'. Kicking the outward habits helped me to work on the inward habits, again, a battle that will wage for as long as I breathe. For others, the inward struggle needs to be eliminated as well. Let us liken this debate to sin. One of the problems that has come about in the Church, especially American Evangelicalism, is the idea of instant conversion. You go to a church for worship, the pastor makes an altar call, you proceed forward and give your life to Jesus. BOOM! In an instant, your life is changed. For some, this is the reality. Let me share that I have made such calls myself as a preacher and pastor and there is nothing wrong with this approach. What happens though to some, is the feel the need to outwardly appear holy, and for many the Church fails to help them transform their hearts and minds so they match inwardly. This is the failing of instant conversion. Conversion into the faith given to us by God in Christ and through the Holy Spirit is a process. Let us use our 12 Step lingo, we are entering into a progressive relationship with God. The moment of conversion is near and dear to our hearts. We can look back and say; “February 16th is when I gave myself to God.” Is that it though? No, you will continue to sin. So do you change the date of your moment of conversion? I know this principle is not the same as a calendar date for sobriety, but there are similarities. When a Christian sins, they repent. When an addict slips, they bring it into the light. For those of us in 12 Step, we reset our sobriety date, but we don't act like the journey never began. It is progressive! Faith and sobriety walk hand in hand in this sense, both being a progressive journey and victory. Ah, but I just criticized the instant conversion model of faith! Again, there is no clear answer. Just like faith, each of us has a unique path, marked by a unique relationship with God, self and others. If you feel in your heart that your sobriety date needs to be associated with 'acting in', God bless you! If you feel in your heart that your sobriety date only needs to be associated with 'acting out', God bless you! The important thing for all of us on the path of recovery is not to be discouraged. I often wonder how Jesus felt as he spent his time walking and talking with the 12 Apostles. Men from various paths of life, different personalities, experiences, etc. These were the men that made us Jesus' most intimate circle of friends, his 'fellows'. Yet, they were so slow at getting Jesus' point! Christ was always patient, even in the midst of complete failure and denial by Peter and the others. It took surrendering to the power of the Holy Spirit to have their insides transformed, so that their inward desires matched their outward appearances. But, they still remained sinners, until their last breath. My only caution in this debate would be for those new to the program of recovery. We all begin with the 'acting out'. No more porn, masturbation, etc. It is where we need to start, kick the outward habits. Then we go to work inwardly, with God as our strength. If we focus too much on sobriety dates and 'acting in', this could be a real blow to those who are in the process of progressive victory over lust, who are winning the war against their outward habits. Let us be clear though, no matter where you may fall on this debate, progressive victory over lust must include inward transformation. I just don't think the date is important. It is also quite possible that we become too 'self righteous' in our pursuit for inward purity, and thus we are constantly resetting our sobriety dates in regards to 'acting in' and no one will maintain any sense of long term sobriety. In the end, we will be a bunch of miserable monks beating ourselves. As time passes, I am able to combat the thoughts and desires. Not only can I avoid 'acting out' but I find more and more daily victories when it comes to 'acting in'. For me, this is a progressive victory over lust, fought with the Grace of God in my heart and mind. At the end of the day, it does not matter if you have 24 years, 24 days or 24 hours of sobriety. What matters is that you are doing all you can with the help of God to stay sober for today. May God bless you, and me, in our progressive victory over lust, inward and outward. I love hockey, by far it is my most favorite sport. My wife loves dance, modern, ballet, tap, etc. With the exception of that movie "The Cutting Edge", (of course based on figure skating) there is not many places where my love for hockey and her love for dance connect in life, especially in our lives. Perhaps we should consider taking a closer look at figure skating, although, I am not sure how long I would last. Ah! But here is the change in my life! A couple of years ago, I would have never considered even asking that question, pondering what my wife likes, and how I can make a connection with her. A couple of years ago, I would have just wanted her to embrace hockey.
The above might seem silly to many, but to me, it is another sign of new life in recovery, and new hope for my relationship with my wife. Why did addiction "slam me into the boards"? Because I kept it to myself, and because I thought I could beat it on my own. Walking along the path of sobriety each day is a tough challenge, but along with it comes a sense of peace, however, I and you, cannot walk this path alone. We need 'dance' partners, or perhaps skating partners. Not my wife...yet. As 12-Step fellowships will caution, it is not a good idea to lean heavily on your spouse for support. You addiction has likely brought upon your wife some pain and suffering. It is not her job to hold your hand through recovery. That is why for recovery to work, you need God and the fellowship. Yes, your wife and children will be part of your recovery, but you must rely on the strength of God and the experience of others first. This has been a most valuable lesson to me in my ever deepening walk into this peace. My wife does not want to hear of my sobriety achievements, she still licks her wounds. God does though! He wants to celebrate each day of continued recovery, and he wants to pick me up when I struggle. God is the one who grants me the strength as my daily dance partner. It might seem a bit 'sentimental' but that old "Footprints in the Sand" poem comes to mind. God has and will continue to carry me. My other dance partners are the men I encounter in 12-Step meetings. Yes, some more closer than others, such as sponsor and accountability partners, but nevertheless, even the newcomer to a meeting can support me, lift me up, catch me if I fall, etc. Hearing their stories, which may sound similar in some areas or completely different, we all share the same root disease, addiction to lust. Sharing, listening and learning. All keys to successful and healthy sobriety. "Making the real connection", picking up the phone, meeting for coffee, an encouraging email or text, all tools used with my new dance partners. They carry me as well. Back to my wife and dance, or figure skating. My wife is not meant to carry me or my addiction. I have God and the program of fellowship for that. Now, I can begin to focus on carrying my wife, when she needs it. Now, because of God and the men in have met, I share, listen and learn from my wife. I can attend to her needs and desires, her likes and dreams, something foreign to my vocabulary in the past. If you wondering why the hockey and dance analogy to my marriage? The other day I stopped for a burger at a local fast food joint. On the TV was, you guessed it, figure skating. As I ate my manly bacon cheeseburger watching the couple on the screen dance across the ice, my eyes began to swell up (another blessing of recovery, true emotions). I was captured by their dependency on one another, the beauty of the dance unfolding before my eyes. They could not do it alone, neither can I , nor can you. But it was deeper than recovery that I felt, it was hope. At that moment, I realized God has given me a dance partner for life, my wife. While I don't take my addiction and burden to her, I do take my love. Now, however, I don't want her to lace up skates and shoot the puck around, I want to take her by the hand and lead her onto the dance floor (okay, the ice too) and whisper into her ear "thank you for being my dance partner in life." Jesus came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” John 13:6-8
Yes, the Church is currently in the Season of Advent. We are all preparing for the joy and excitement of recalling the Bith of Jesus Christ, and also we prepare for His Second Coming. I am doing my best to be in "Advent mode", but my personal studies of the Bible have me towards the end of John's Gospel. I guess the Holy Spirit is telling me to look forward to Jesus' return this year more than the comfortable, sentimental idea of Christmas. I am not sure this is what I want to feel, but I cannot deny where the Spirit leads. So, what to do with the Foot Washing in Advent? Recently, in a discussion, the question was asked; "is it easier to have your feet washed, or to wash the feet of others?" As a pastor, I have had the priveladge of being the one who gets down on the ground, and washes the feet of members of the parish. This litrugy is powerful in that I am sternly reminded of doind the exact work of Jesus Christ. The question though is one that must be considered. I don't mind washing the feet of others, I consider it a service, an honor. However, I am not comfortable with someone else washing my feet, I don't even like people seeing my feet! Perhaps this is why Peter reacts the way he does. Do you like your feet? Today, we are blessed to have socks, and Nikes to cover our feet, to keep them clean. So, other than the occasional foot odor, we have pretty clean feet. Not so in Jesus' day. If you were wealthy, sandals perhaps, but a lot of folks had nothing between the nakendness of their feet and the dirt of the ground. Imagine what their feet must have looked (smelled too) like. Not only dirt, but animal droppings, even human (no port-a-johns) , who knows what else someone could pick up throughout their travels. This is the background upon which we find our Lord and Savior Jesus giving himself to. Take off your shoes and socks, look down at your feet, What do you see? Dirt under your nails, perhaps nails that need to be trimmed, hairy toes, dirt between your toes, what do you see? Imagine what Jesus saw! As you look down, Jesus approaches. He is kneeling before you, water ready, he looks up to you, and says; "it is time." This is the message of recovery from Jesus; "it is time". Recovery is about dirt. It is about the 'feet of our soul'. Time to get them washed by God. The first step of recovery is that we admit our powerlessness over our dirt. Second step is we askcnowledge that only God can restore us, wash us. And so we do, we remove the comfort and security of our shoes and socks, and we expose our dirty feet to Jesus. There is freedom in this step, of course you have to trust God to wash your dirt away. We know that we are forgiven by being washed in the Blood of the Lamb, so again, we come, we expose our dirt, and we trust God to wash us clean. But there is more! When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. John 13:12-15 Now it is our turn to wash one another's feet! I recall my first 12 Step meeting. After having other men expose their dirty feet, and sharing how God and others in the fellowship had led them to a new way of life, a life of no more shame, no more filth, I felt like I had to share, and share it all! And that is what I did. Again, this was uncomfortable, I would have loved to keep my shoes and socks on and just help others keep clean, but I had lived this life too long, too long in my own filth. Trusting others is another key component to the 12 Step fellowhsip of recovery. First God cleanses, then others. I shared my dirt, and others gathered around me in prayer to let me know that I am not alone in this journey, and that we have God and one another. Being bold enough to strip off our shoes and socks to allow God and others to see our dirty feet allows us to be restored to the life that we all truly want, no more dirt, no more hiding, no more shame, no more guilt. Let God clean your dirty feet, allow others to do so as well, then turn and do the ministry of service by cleaning the feet of others. You will be blessed when you do so! Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them |
AuthorsAdam Egan, Founder of David's Post Ministry Archives
January 2020
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