I love hockey, by far it is my most favorite sport.   My wife loves dance, modern, ballet, tap, etc.   With the exception of that movie "The Cutting Edge", (of course based on figure skating) there is not many places where my love for hockey and her love for dance connect in life, especially in our lives.  Perhaps we should consider taking a closer look at figure skating, although, I am not sure how long I would last.    Ah!  But here is the change in my life!   A couple of years ago, I would have never considered even asking that question, pondering what my wife likes, and how I can make a connection with her.   A couple of years ago, I would have just wanted her to embrace hockey.  

The above might seem silly to many, but to me, it is another sign of new life in recovery, and new hope for my relationship with my wife.  Why did addiction  "slam me into the boards"?  Because I kept it to myself, and because I thought I could beat it on my own.   Walking along the path of sobriety each day is a tough challenge, but along with it comes a sense of peace, however, I and you, cannot walk this path alone.   We need 'dance' partners, or perhaps skating partners.   

Not my wife...yet.   As 12-Step fellowships will caution, it is not a good idea to lean heavily on your spouse for support. You addiction has likely brought upon your wife some pain and suffering.   It is not her job to hold your hand through recovery.   That is why for recovery to work, you need God and the fellowship.   Yes, your wife and children will be part of your recovery, but you must rely on the strength of God and the experience of others first.   This has been a most valuable lesson to me in my ever deepening walk into this peace.   My wife does not want to hear of my sobriety achievements, she still licks her wounds.   God does though!  He wants to celebrate each day of continued recovery, and he wants to pick me up when I struggle.   God is the one who grants me the strength as my daily dance partner.  It might seem a bit 'sentimental' but that old "Footprints in the Sand" poem comes to mind.  God has and will continue to carry me.

My other dance partners are the men I encounter in 12-Step meetings.   Yes, some more closer than others, such as sponsor and accountability partners, but nevertheless, even the newcomer to a meeting can support me, lift me up, catch me if I fall, etc.   Hearing their stories, which may sound similar in some areas or completely different, we all share the same root disease, addiction to lust.  Sharing, listening and learning.  All keys to successful and healthy sobriety.  "Making the real connection", picking up the phone, meeting for coffee, an encouraging email or text, all tools used with my new dance partners.   They carry me as well.

Back to my wife and dance, or figure skating.   My wife is not meant to carry me or my addiction.  I have God and the program of fellowship for that.   Now, I can begin to focus on carrying my wife, when she needs it.  Now, because of God and the men in have met, I share, listen and learn from my wife.  I can attend to her needs and desires, her likes and dreams, something foreign to my vocabulary in the past.   If you wondering why the hockey and dance analogy to my marriage?   The other day I stopped for a burger at a local fast food joint.  On the TV was, you guessed it, figure skating.   As I ate my manly bacon cheeseburger watching the couple on the screen dance across the ice, my eyes began to swell up (another blessing of recovery, true emotions).  I was captured by their dependency on one another, the beauty of the dance unfolding before my eyes.  They could not do it alone, neither can I , nor can you.   But it was deeper than recovery that I felt, it was hope.   At that moment, I realized God has given me a dance partner for life, my wife.  While I don't take my addiction and burden to her, I do take my love.   Now, however, I don't want her to lace up skates and shoot the puck around, I want to take her by the hand and lead her onto the dance floor (okay, the ice too) and whisper into her ear "thank you for being my dance partner in life."