Recently while watching a TV program, I saw a commercial, and I cannot recall what the promotion was for, but the question was asked; “what are the hardest words to say as a human being?” A few answers were proposed; “I was wrong”, “I am sorry”, “I love you” and a few others. Perhaps that has been your experience in life so far. For me however, there are harder words to utter. The words that took me almost my whole life to be able to say out loud, the words that struck me with fear, paralyzing fear at that, words that are rooted in the utmost humility; “God, help me, for I cannot do this anymore.”
These words are a cry for help, and for me personally, these words showed me that I cannot, but God can if I only were to seek him out. There is a certain irony for me personally in these words. Being a lifelong Christian, not always the most engaged and faithful, but a believer nevertheless, I am not sure if I ever truly thought I would have to cry out loud to God in desperation. I somehow believed that I had life figured out and God was along for the journey that I had so successfully plotted out before me. Psalm 34 echoes my own desperation: “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” “This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.” Psalm 34, 4&6 NIV While the fears in my life were many, it was the knowledge that I had lost control of my own life, and the mirage that I was ever actually in control at all. Left to my own devices and desires, I had lost the most important thing in life, and that was the truth that God is to be in control. With all the earthly blessings that God had gifted me in life, I replaced God with myself. It was my ego and pride that led to me to believe I had set forth the course, I had made all the effort, checked all the boxes, etc. Where I found myself in the journey was in the pit of hell, suffering and silenced by my own sin. You might think upon reading verse 6 of Psalm 34 that it applies to the ‘poor’ as being those without a means to provide earthly goods. On the surface that is one way to look at the meaning, of course those who are materially poor are challenged to figure out a way to provide for themselves and others. However, a deeper look into the passage shows, as Jesus would often teach on, that ‘poor’ applies to the spirit of man. In his commentary on Psalm 34, St. Augustine writes; “As poor cry thou, and the Lord hears. And how shall I cry as poor? By not, if you have anything, presuming therefrom upon your own strength: by understanding that you are needy; by understanding that so long are you poor, as you have not Him who makes you rich.” As one who had everything I though I needed in life to be happy and successful, I was poor in the true spirit and rich in my own, I had forgotten to cry out to God and allowed the ‘god of lust’ to seduce me beyond any possible point of return. It was the realization that trusting in my own power, my own knowledge, I was poor, helpless, hopeless, that I cried out to God; “I cannot do this anymore” and being at that moment, finally, poor in spirit, the Lord heard me and saved me out of all my troubles. I would love to say that the moment I finally cried out led to a smooth path forward, but it did not. Suffering came and still comes because of my sin. The true gift though lies in the reality that every day I am weak, powerless, and God is strong. God overcomes my being poor and provides me with the wealth I need to overcome fear each day. I have sought out the Lord and he has delivered me from my fears. Casting aside ego and pride, becoming completely dependent on God, being poor in spirit, broken, has led me to see who God really is, the Great Provider and Comforter. Not every day is an easy walk, there are always challenges, amends to be made, more defects of character discovered, I am a daily work in progress. It is comforting to know though that I do not need to be in control, actually, I cannot be in control. My own willpower will lead to failing and falling. God is the one he can do what I cannot do. If you find yourself struggling, seeking to be in control, worshipping false idols, whatever they may be, muster up the courage to humble yourself. Fall before the throne of God and cry out in your poverty; “God, I cannot do this anymore!” And God in his strength and Spiritual wealth will guide you down the road of peace. Seek the Lord and he will answer you. Be well my fellows.
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AuthorsAdam Egan, Founder of David's Post Ministry Archives
January 2020
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